Last night I talked to a young lady on an mirc channel where many of its members are Malaysians. After chatting for a while I asked for her name and she asked for mine. I introduced myself as so and so with my husband name attached. She commented that my name is pelik. I asked her what she meant by pelik. She answered that, it is an unbecoming trend for orang melayu to use their husband's name instead of the father's. She started to 'lecture' me of being ungrateful and discarding my father's name in order to be 'trendy or glamourous'. like I forget my culture and being Melayu.
I was not mad but I pity her for her small mindedness. Most Melayu women attached their husband's name to theirs for various reasons. Living in a country which is not familiar with the uniqueness of malay names, one has to adapt or adjust. I have to go on a lengthy explanation as to why I carry my husband's name to her. Official dealings made easier when my husband and me have the same name. For example I do not need to carry a sworn testimony as a proof of my marital status when claiming the health insurance, the military benefits, the current account etc. I once was refused medical insurance because I used my maiden name in the claim form.
This lady was not interested in listening to my explanation but was more on judging me. To her I was betraying my asal usul. Then she said, if I use my name that way for valid reasons? then it is ok as long as ; This is her exact words" tak apa lah kalau masih ikut landas2 islam" What's wrong with this small minded people? Do they equate that by having a hypen to my name I also do not practice my religion. I asked her what was she insinuating. She said "Tak lah, macam puasa tu buat kah? ". I wonder whether she knows that islam is practised worldwide not only confined to malaysia. She thinks those who choose to live outside malaysia automatically forget their background and religion. I can't understand an 'educated' person (she is working in an office) can have so much prejudices and negative assumptions.
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6 comments:
1st of all what's a mirc channel? sorilah i ni low tech person. 2ndly, everybody's tired of judgemental people but they keep popping up, do you suppose malays are naturally like that
mutiara,
typical. i was once asked bluntly by an acquaintance on why i accept funds from a church based organisation for my clowning trip to usa. she contacted me after all these years just to ask me that.
mutiara, why u layan people like that? waste of time. I use my husband's name also, but that doesn'e make me less of a muslim. Hai, with the cyberworld getting bigger pun, masih ada juga the small mindedness of some.
atenah: mirc tu malaysian internet relay chat. surprisingly there are still around.
iskandar: My clown man. have not talk wirh you for a while! keep on clownig
kakteh: layan jugak sbb mungkin boleh perluaskan minda seseorang
Mutiara,
Sometimes I think people who see themselves are more religous than a person next to them, fail to use their mind capacity. Either they let "the experts" do the thinking for them or they are too busy excluding and judging people who are not like them. They forget that having a compassion is more powerful than preaching.
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